SPECIAL IRISH POST 19: “Two Irish Drinking Jokes”

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Irish humor often involves drinking- a stereotype that (thankfully) no longer holds much water. True, the Irish as a group, have been known to enjoy a little drink now and again- but Irish people today are increasingly health-conscious. Drinking far less than they used to, not smoking in near the numbers of the past, (perhaps partly due to the modern ban on cigarettes inside pubs), eating better and exercising more. As a consequence, Irish pubs are quickly disappearing. Fortunately, they’ll never go completely extinct, as long as there is Guinness Stout: Ireland’s black gold!

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TWO IRISHMEN IN A SEA OF BEER

. Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!” 

. The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. At once, the genie vanished in a puff of smoke. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:

“Nice going idiot! Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat.” 

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THE MAN WHO ORDERS THREE BEERS

. An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

. An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

. Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. “I don’t mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?”

.”Tis odd, isn’t it?” the man replies. “You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to  Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond.”

. The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

. Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening. He orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

. The next day, the bartender says to the man, “Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all”

. The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, “You’ll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent.”

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TWO IRISHMEN IN A SEA OF BEER reprinted from DigitalDreamDoor.com.

THE MAN WHO ORDERS THREE BEERS courtesy Patti Woods

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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About KPKeelan

Fool, Philosopher, Lover & Dreamer, Benign TROUBLEMAKER, King and Jester of KPKworld, an online portal to visual and linguistic mystery, befuddlement and delight.
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